Neck Massage

Many of us are masters in giving, being there for others and doing everything possible to ensure that our loved ones and our community are well. Then we are also doing well.

Every now and then, we passionate givers realize that we also want or even need things for ourselves. Things that would do us good and "nourish" us. But often it doesn't seem so easy to actually put these needs into words.

Why is that? Let's take a look at the classic "giver", i.e. Enneagram type 2. Twos are heart people and very focused on being there for others, supporting others. Often they are the glue in a team. They want everyone to do well. Twos want to be liked and needed.

When Twos realize what they themselves want and need, they have a great tendency either not to express their needs at all or not to express them clearly. They often think they are being selfish when they claim something for themselves. And unfortunately, there is often a shame in expressing themselves, as well as a fear (conscious or unconscious) of not being liked anymore. The challenge for twos is to stand up for themselves as much as they stand up for other people. To give themselves the same love and care that they give other people.

I, too, am of this "species." My partner had recently asked me if I had time to give him a neck massage. And yes, I was happy to give him a neck massage. After all, I like to do that and I like to make people happy, especially my partner. At the same time I noticed that I became very quiet inside - almost wistful. His expressed wish sounded so simple. I caught myself thinking how much I too wanted to enjoy a neck massage. And at the same moment, I realized that even this supposedly simple language of putting a wish like this into words, I hadn't really mastered yet! I had never really learned how to do this because for most of my life in being a type 2 giver, I had been focused on the well-being of others and neglected my own needs.

I shook off my robe of shame, gathered courage, and told my partner about my own inability to express a simple desire like this so directly. This step alone felt incredibly liberating and authentic. The second step was to accept my partner's challenge to make at least one wish every day!

The good news for all who feel addressed here: The feeling of shame decreases more and more the more you train to express your wishes. And another good news is that twos always stay twos by nature! Or, in other words, twos tend to retain their great willingness to help and continue to enjoy doing good for people. Drawing from a full cup, however, is more fun and enjoyable and definitely feels better!

How well can you give the same care to yourself that you give to others?

Heartfelt greetings

Caro