What to do if a bear attacks me while I'm jogging?
The sun casts its morning light on the green and stony Verzasca Valley and the air is cool and clear. I jog lightly along the road. It's slightly uphill and I feel motivated for the day. While jogging, I often manage to get my thoughts in order.
The day before, I read in the news that bears have been sighted again in the northern Italian Alps. I'm not in the northern Italian Alps, but I still look around carefully and scan the surroundings for any bears or other animals. After all, apart from the hourly bus and a few occasional cars, I am all alone on this road. What if a bear were to stray into this area and show up right here? What would I do? Where would I run? Should I run at all? After all, I recently saw in a nature documentary that if you run away from a bear, you've lost anyway. I look around again and imagine possible scenarios, escape options and strategies that would save my life. In my mind, I see myself climbing up the ladder of the cell tower, desperately knocking on the window of a car that might be my salvation at that very moment. I also wonder how big and dangerous I would be from the bear's perspective if I took off my T-shirt and held it over my head. Would that work? And what kind of sound would I make? Again I look around and notice how even my gait becomes a little faster. I could still test how fast I could run away.
This morning is the first time I consciously think about these thought patterns that are all too familiar to me. Not that I think about bears every day (I'll leave that to the animal researchers), no, I turn on my inner observer, who just tells me that I'm a master at creating all kinds of scenarios, on all kinds of topics.
I start to ponder and wonder how long I've actually been walking through the world with the "what if" question. Am I that anxious? No, after all, I do everything possible to be safe. Wait a minute. Isn't that how an Enneagram type 6 thinks? I've been wondering ever since that day if instead of a 2 on the Enneagram (caring helper type who wants to be loved and needed), I am a Type 6 after all (humble and loyal servant who wants to feel safe). I wonder if these thought patterns - to worry a lot - stem more from my role as a mother, also of a child with a handicap. And mother I have been for 23 years.
As luck would have it, I got the opportunity for a typing session a few days later. It is always easier to act as a coach and ask other people clarifying questions than to be completely on my own and face this challenge alone. Well, now I got that chance. Here I would like to thank Colleen-Joy Page, an excellent and inspiring Master Coach and Mentor. Col's questions were like a catalyst for me to take the step, which I had probably unconsciously also been afraid of for a long time. She opened my eyes and brought order to my chaos of thoughts. Since then, everything has fallen like scales from my eyes. Since then everything makes sense. Since then, I not only see the beauty in myself more clearly, I also face my fears. This can be a huge game changer if you take advantage of this opportunity.
Type 2 and type 6 are often mistaken for one another, I knew that. And I also knew that many 6s prefer to think of themselves as 2s because 2s are considered more optimistic and are often seen as the "loving" type. Of course, we are all capable of loving, not just the 2's, but let's face it, "between wanting to be loved" (type 2) and "wanting to be safe" (type 6) there sometimes seems to be little difference felt. And yet, this is what makes these two types significantly different. Many people will say at this point that both "wanting to be loved and wanting to be safe" are important things. And that's where the question comes up whether they don't somehow belong together anyway. Yes and no. Because one of these two "needs" is stronger in some people than the other.
6s don't like to be the pessimists. Who likes to talk about fears? And you don't want to think about it either, you think enough about how to solve things so they don't happen. You've probably noticed. Here, a 6 just thought out loud. When someone asked me if I was optimistic, I usually said yes. Well, there is a big difference between "being optimistic by nature" and "wanting to be optimistic".
A mental trip back in time to my school days was long overdue. Putting myself in the shoes of a 30-year-younger me and her patterns at the time was not so easy. But I found answers. I have to admit to myself that even back then I was more the insecure type, overcautiously thinking up different scenarios to approach something as prepared as possible, to feel as safe as possible. And I was always the diligent and loyal "bee".
Something became very clear to me once again. There was something in my life that had accompanied me since childhood: I was always a repression artist. Actually, I was a world champion in the subconscious repression of my own patterns and fears. I knew that even the best coaches in the world have their own issues and can sometimes even get their type wrong. After all, we are simply human. The good thing is that we coaches also have our coaches and catalysts and sometimes need them.
So I walked around with my type 2 "hat" on for some time and somehow I also liked the idea of being a 2 that was allowed to evolve over the last few years. And it did. Very much so. I was able to recognize many things, let go and learn to deal with them better. I was allowed to implement many things, to tackle many unhealthy tendencies and to move many things in me to the good, things that can help all people, not only 2s. But the 2 was - as I now know - simply one of the other "layers" I still had to break through.
Actually, it is not so much about knowing whether you are "type 2" or "type 6" or whatever. That alone, detached from any meaning, is basically just a label. It does, however, give us a language to help us better orient ourselves, an entry point to gain more awareness. And an important goal is the path itself: Self-observation, self-reflection and having the courage to just also open the "lid under the lid" and look underneath. It is worth digging a few layers deeper. This is an important process. The Enneagram makes an immense contribution here. Not least in order to understand other people as well. It's about understanding what motivates us internally, why we think, feel and act the way we do. And the guidance is actually very simple: it's not the behavior alone that tells us something about ourselves, but the reason for our behavior.
Today I may say that I finally understand this sentence correctly in all its meaning. It is, so to speak, "the real work". But the work of admitting things to ourselves that are unpleasant takes an extreme amount of courage and will. Repressing the deep-seated patterns within myself was, as I now know, something I was not aware of. Perhaps it also took some time to go through this process and realize this. In the process, I faced all these inner hidden fears. This was the only way I could even get into the zone of self-acceptance, of accepting myself as a person, with everything that makes me who I am. That was an important step. And anyway, how can you tackle and transform something in your life if you haven't accepted yourself at all? The Enneagram helped me a lot with that. It's a great model that gives us a language for all these important discoveries and also shows us the way. The Enneagram guides us to feeling whole, to be able to be ourselves and to be in balance. And much more. Just understanding and lovingly accepting oneself feels like an inner shift, like a door that is allowed to open and let more and more light into the room. And so many things are possible if we can see enough!
During a human life we book one or the other exciting journey to different places in this world. And every journey is something very special. The journey to one's core may be anything but a relaxing walk by the sea or a safari tour through the steppes of Africa, but it is worth it because it is sustainable. It liberated me. I would even say that the word "liberation" has a whole new meaning for me since then. Because this liberation is both peace and self-acceptance. I can now finally accept all my inner beauty and purity, with all my strengths and weaknesses, with all my love and fears. I feel connected to the deepest dungeons and the most beautiful flower meadows of myself, where bears are also welcome.
Caroline Tanja Banz, September 2023