I married myself — Be Your True Self Coaching

Yes, you have read correctly. I married myself. I'm standing here on a cab boat, on the Rhine in Basel. In Basel, the city of my birth.

The idea came up in 2021 during a sauna session. A couple loves each other, gets married and promises each other eternal fidelity, care and love. There's actually a lot to be said for giving yourself these beautiful things in life. Don't you think so? For me, this "self-marriage" was a making peace with the past and a promise for the now and the future.

Here's a quick review: My life was a roller coaster ride for years. Even as a child, there were rough times for me. My childhood was a time filled with fears, violence and shame. At the worst times, I would lock myself in my room full of fear, fearing for my mother's life. This had a devastating impact on my life. Even then, I unconsciously developed a strategy: I had to scale back my needs and take care of others much more, giving of myself and serving, to make sure I was loved and never abandoned. My natural nature, which was to help and support, had evolved in a very unhealthy direction.

In my early 20s, I thought I had my life pretty well under control despite this dark childhood, and that I was still "well turned out" after all. But in fact it soon became apparent that I was probably one of the best repression artists the world has ever produced.

I was a woman who still liked to help and do everything imaginable for her fellow human beings so that they were happy. However, I often "bent like a pretzel." I always seemed to sense what other people liked and needed. About myself, however, I knew precious little. Being in relationship with people and being loved by them was my goal, so much so that I didn't know myself at all because of my focus on other people. And if you don't know someone, you can neither love nor accept them. Unfortunately, my body also felt this, because I was not very mindful of it. I am not proud of that.

My relationships were also - no wonder - a roller coaster ride, because for a long time I carried the thinking and strategy pattern of the child at that time inside me.

The flower doesn’t dream of the bee. It blossoms and the bee comes.
(Mark Nepo)

About 3 years ago, after more than 40 years, the awakening came. I started to look, to see through my patterns and to understand them. This was definitely not a walk in the park. It took a lot of courage, overcoming and quite a few tears to face reality. On this journey of awakening and looking, I learned a lot about myself. I began to realize what self-love is, what truth and authenticity feel like. Naming and expressing feelings helped me to get to know myself on the one hand, but also to feel my childhood wounds in all clarity on the other. These now came to the surface for the first time, wanting to be heard and comforted, which was painful but long overdue. By awakening and looking, I was finally able to grieve, process and let go. I am now at peace with my past and make peace with it.

Even though I have learned a lot about myself, I am nowhere near the end of my journey. I have discovered how beautiful self-love and authenticity are. I have found a new best friend - myself! A friend who loves me as I am, until the end of days and much further. And to this friend I promise to be true to myself and to remain authentic, to stand by myself and to love myself just as I love other people. That was and is an important step for me. And I would like to take many more such steps. I love being a coach, helping and supporting people, and I do this now from a nourished and loved self.

I would like to thank all the people who have given me both challenges and bright spots along the way.