How do I like the chutney?
Recently my boyfriend asked me over a cozy brunch how I would like the taste of the new chutney that I had recently bought and was now on the table.
My old self would very likely have simply said "good" or asked a counter-question to first find out what the other person at the table thinks about the product. What is the correct answer? What sounds good? For many years of my life I often had no idea what I personally like. I put my focus on my outside world. ‘What do the others think? Then I say something like that!’ I often adapted other people's opinions. Even when judging a chutney.
Today I know why I reacted that way back then. In my Enneagram (I'm Enneagram Type Two) I was on a very unhealthy track and because of the sheer focus on the outside world, I didn't even know who I was myself. This went on for over 40 years! For those who do not know the Enneagram: There are 9 different personality types. I had the opportunity to get to know myself and my personality type better over the last year. Often I didn't want to look at my weaknesses - you'd rather hear and read the GOOD things about yourself, don't you? But in the end, just looking at my weaknesses and unhealthy patterns helped me to recognize them and let them go. The great thing about this is that by understanding my own Enneagram type and weaknesses, I also got an opportunity to grow. This toolbox is just awesome and I can't imagine being without it anymore. Even today I keep discovering things about myself and recognize old patterns. I used to fall into these traps and patterns regularly, today I have to smile about it. I feel free and just myself.
Oh yes, back to the chutney question. How did I really like the chutney? My new, healthy self knew the answer, and this after a brief moment of tasting it and going into myself - after all, you want to believe your own judgment 100% before you present it, right? The chutney tasted sweet but a little bland. Well, there are better chutneys out there. But truly judging it myself was a conscious and authentic experience!
It's wonderful to discover your own opinion, to express yourself and to be yourself, even with such small things. Enneagram type twos are basically outwardly directed and focus more on others than on themselves, but on a healthy level they have learned to express their opinion confidently and without shame or fear and are true to themselves.
Your comments and thoughts on this are very welcome!
Maybe you also have recipe ideas for good chutneys that you would like to share :-).
I wish everyone a nice weekend!
Caroline Tanja Banz
ILS Enneagram Coach (ICF)